I was intrigued by an experiment conducted at Dartmouth College years ago. The participants were told that the aim of the experiment was to observe how people with physical imperfections, especially facial scars, reacted to them. A makeup artist drew scars on the participants’ faces. The participants were then given a pocket mirror to see the scars on their faces and were given the opportunity to see the makeup applied. The participants then left the room and were asked to interact with other people in the building. Before leaving the room, the makeup artist explained that the scars needed a final touch-up. However, this touch-up was not a “touch-up”; the makeup artist was actually secretly removing the participants’ scar makeup while saying he was retouching. However, the participants left the room thinking that the scar makeup was still on their faces. When they interacted with others in the building without mirrors, the participants reported that people were looking at their scars, feeling awkward, and being treated more rudely. It's parallel to expectations, isn't it?

Sometimes we think that the way we see ourselves is the way those around us see us. This can be very misleading, just like in this experiment.

In the trainings I've been giving in recent months, I've been implementing a special application that helps raise awareness on this issue with employees working in the same teams or departments. Our focus is not on physical appearance, but on personality traits and behaviors. At the end of the application, participants learn how they see themselves and how their teammates see them, and the results are quite surprising. The differences that emerge create a "moment of awareness" in the participants; some are very happy, some are very surprised, and some go into deep thought. With this awareness, they create more effective roadmaps for themselves.

I observe similar situations in my sessions and in the Assessment Center applications where I occasionally provide consultancy. There may be differences between the employee’s self-assessment and the observations.

Those who receive feedback, ask for the opinions of others, and have a development-oriented mindset can move forward much more easily. Those who prefer to progress only with their own thoughts unfortunately have difficulty moving forward and may encounter anxiety and stress more frequently.

What we think may not always be right, instead of believing what we think and accepting it as the only truth; we should give room to doubt and alternative thinking.

I am sharing three sources that inspire me on this subject. The first is a TED talk, the second is a book, and the third is a very famous movie. I recommend you start with the TED talk.

• Lauren Weinstein - Don't Believe Everything You Think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdhmgp4IUL0
• Adam Grant – Rethink
• Moneyball